


Literary Conventions

by linndechir



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, First Time, Height Differences, M/M, Spit As Lube, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:30:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linndechir/pseuds/linndechir
Summary: “You know, there are some really interesting philosophical ramifications to you being shorter than me in this universe. When we finally act on all that sizzling sexual tension between us,” that got him another groan while Cable pointedly stared back out of the window, “I’m obviously going to have to be on top. It’s not about my preferences, I’m very open-minded about taking things up my perky butt, but there are rules. Gay porn, Nifty, fanfiction, doesn’t matter. Big guy fucks little guy. Pretty sure they didn’t change that in the future."





	Literary Conventions

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt on the [kinkmeme](https://iiintangible.dreamwidth.org/458.html?thread=1226#cmt1226): _Wade insinuates that he would be on top when he and Cable sleep together during one of his audience asides while conversing with Cable, because Cable is shorter now and it's The Rules or something._
> 
> _Cable, not minding the idea of bottoming so much as wanting to break the chains of literary expectation, picks up and fucks Wade against a wall._

“You know, there are some really interesting philosophical ramifications to you being shorter than me in this universe.” Wade paused dramatically and added behind his hand, “In the comics he’s a head taller than me. Just this mountain of muscle.”

Cable, who was standing by the windows of the dingy little apartment they had hijacked as a hide-out for their current killing-bad-guys mission, half turned to frown at him.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Sex, of course! Bumping uglies! Smiting Evil! Doing the horizontal tango! Stuffin’ the muffin! Toasting the bagel!”

“Jesus,” Cable groaned just as Wade was getting to the really fun euphemisms. It actually stopped Wade short because, fuck, that voice – that voice was at least half the reason Wade was bringing this up at all. Okay, maybe 30%. The super cool cyborg arm and the possibility of a weird cyber dick were at least half of it. The other 20% were that, shorter or not, Cable was still one big slab of sexy muscle. Plus, the audience expected it. Nobody likes false advertisement.

“The point is,” Wade brought himself back on track, because he did have a point to make, “when we finally act on all that sizzling sexual tension between us,” that got him another groan while Cable pointedly stared back out of the window, “I’m obviously going to have to be on top. It’s not about my preferences, I’m very open-minded about taking things up my perky butt, but there are rules.”

“Pretty sure the only rule would be me fucking your mouth so you shut up for a while.”

Wade clapped his hands in front of his mouth in delight he didn’t even have to feign because, really, he appreciated Mr. Stoic Cyborg Warrior On A Mission doing his part of the conversation. He’d have to find room for another 20% that were “Cable was way more fun than the character type suggested”. He pretended to be all put upon and then he suddenly gave back as good as he got. Nobody liked one-sided banter.

“Hold that thought for another time, but no,” Wade said. He inched closer to Cable, close enough that their arms almost brushed, and held up his hand to the top of his head before he moved it over carefully towards Cable to gauge the exact height difference between them. “Point is, the taller guy tops. Them’s the rules. Gay porn, Nifty, fanfiction, doesn’t matter. Big guy fucks little guy. Pretty sure they didn’t change that in the future.”

Cable opened his mouth to say something, but since it was probably not going to be an interesting presentation of the conventions of future pornography, Wade ignored him and kept going, “On the other hand, you are older than me, so that complicates things. Because old guy fucks young guy is also a rule.”

He lowered his hand when he had finished his measurements to his satisfaction. Cable eyed him suspiciously.

“Four inches!” Wade held his hand in front of Cable’s face, marking the height difference with his thumb and middle finger. Cable seemed to look right past his hand at the Hello Kitty shirt Wade was wearing as if he was only noticing it now. Wade snapped his fingers to get his attention. “Four inches! That’s not even a romantic height difference, you know, the kind where they put the romcom actress on a box so she’s only a charming little bit shorter than her very handsome love interest. No, that’s a proper daddy/twink height difference.”

Judging by the look on Cable’s face, that was at least still a thing in the future.

“You trying to tell me I look like a twink, Wilson?” he growled in that voice that went straight from Wade’s ears to the more creative parts of his brain and then to his cock. The comics hadn’t prepared him for that voice. And even the voice aside, short or not, Cable looked less like a twink and more like the hottest parts of every porn daddy Wade had ever jerked off to wrapped into one guy, with some futuristic Terminator appeal added on top.

“I’m just saying rules are rules.”

Cable had turned towards him now, staring him down from – that was a confusing turn of phrase when he was staring _up_ at him, but it still seemed accurate. Under that glare Wade wasn’t really all that convinced of his own argument anymore, but he soldiered on, “Pretty sure ten centimetres – that’s four inches in old money, FYI – trump ten years.”

Cable was moving now, stepping closer like some big prowling sexy lion, like Scar from the fucking Lion King. Wade wasn’t quite young enough for that to have been his big gay sexual awakening, but he’d rubbed one out to that movie often enough that the association made his dick twitch in his boxers (he _was_ strolling around the apartment in his underwear to get a rise out of Cable, but Cable had seen him with a baby dick, so Wade considered this outfit a generous concession on his part).

For half a second Wade thought about not moving just to see what would happen, but then he got distracted by wondering if he’d bite his teeth out on the metal bits of Cable’s throat and inched backwards obediently when Cable kept advancing, prowly step by prowly step until Wade’s back hit the nearest wall.

Cable even smelt like some testosterone-fuelled sexy macho fantasy, sweat and cordite and how the fuck did anyone _smell_ of metal? 

“You’re really fucking with the literary conventions of the genre here, Cablebear,” Wade pointed out. He was nice and trapped between the wall and the very impressive bulk of muscle that he did, however, have to look down at. “You’re supposed to cry a lot and blush and whimper and be adorable while I bend you over a table and call you a completely out of character endearment that you’d punch me for in real life.”

“Like ‘Cablebear’?” came the prompt and very well deserved reply, but Cable sounded more amused than annoyed. Big Tough Guy secretly had a sense of humour, just to keep in tone with the franchise. Wade might have to find another 20% in the list of reasons he wanted to fuck the man. Get fucked by him. Either. Both, really.

“No, that one is perfectly in character for me and secondly you love it. Admit it. You like being my Cablebear,” Wade said in his best sugary tone.

“No. Definitely don’t.”

But Cable clearly didn’t dislike it enough not to put his hands on Wade, each on one thigh just where the boxers ended. The contrast between warm skin on one side and – not quite cold, but coolish metal on the other made Wade and little Wade both jump a little.

“Fuck, that feels weird. Good-weird!” he added quickly when the left hand moved away. “Definitely good-weird. Fuck, do you have a metal dick? Because if you have a metal dick, screw the rules because I want that inside me right the fuck now. I have a metal dildo, but it’s just not the same, you know …”

“No metal dick.” Cable’s voice rumbled through them both and Wade couldn’t even bring himself to be disappointed because Cable was the perfect height to put his face right in the crook of Wade’s neck and brush that sexy manly stubble of his against Wade’s skin, and holy fucking future lip balm, his lips were just baby-soft in contrast. He’d moved one hand from Wade’s thigh to his dick, fondling him through the boxers.

“If you wanted to fuck me, Wade, all you had to do was ask.” He was so close that the words seemed to skip Wade’s ears and just went right from that raspy throat into the happy unicorn parts of his brain. 

“Okay, I’m ask-”

“Oh no, you’re too late now.”

Wade put his hands on Cable’s shoulders just in case this was going to be some teasing bullshit that the asshole author would have to slap a UST tag on, but Cable wasn’t moving away, just pressed closer, and hello there, that dick might not be metal but it didn’t feel any less hard. Wade’s own cock was still getting squeezed and fondled firmly through his boxers.

“Wouldn’t have said no to taking that pretty cock of yours,” Cable went on and the weirdo made “pretty” sound like he meant it, too. “But I’m not letting you fuck me right now just because you’re taller than me. This isn’t a porno.”

“Technically, it really kind of is,” Wade said, but he was already working open Cable’s zipper to pull out his – disappointingly not metal, but very not disappointingly _huge_ – dick. “Wow, so you are not overcompensating with that giant gun. Lucky me. Fuck me, do they have actually legit penis enhancement drugs in the future or were you just blessed by the god of big dicks?”

“Jesus, Wade,” Cable said, but he huffed against Wade’s neck like he was laughing, and then he ripped Wade’s boxers off him in a way that really doesn’t work with most fabrics but mostly made Wade very happy he hadn’t decided to wear any of his pretty panties to seduce Cable, because he would have been mad if those got ripped to shreds. And while Wade’s mouth was starting to explain all that to Cable, that freaky-but-cool metal-techno-whatever-the-fuck-it-was arm grabbed Wade’s ass and hoisted him up like he was the earlier mentioned pretty romcom heroine about to get her big damn kiss in the final act, except he didn’t look even a little bit like Julia Roberts and what he was getting was a big damn cock and –

Apparently a big damn kiss, too, if Cable trying to maul him alive counted as a kiss (totally did, in Wade’s book). He was hiding some very sharp and very eager teeth behind those distractingly soft lips of his, bit Wade’s bottom lip until he opened up so Cable could lick into his mouth like he’d been waiting for this all week. Wade sure as fuck wasn’t a little guy himself, let alone light, but he barely needed to wrap his legs around Cable for Cable to hold him up like it was a walk in the park. At least the genre conventions about wall sex not being really fucking awkward still held up. A perk of super-strong cyber limbs maybe, and Wade wouldn’t be able to hear that quiet whirring of the arm ever again without getting as hard as Cable’s metal parts.

Eventually Cable broke the kiss, breathless and making a sound in the back of his throat that reminded Wade again of a big cat about to pounce (or maybe just of Jeremy Irons, but that worked for him, too), and then he made meaningful heavy eye contact before he spit in his right hand and slicked up his cock. 

“And you have the nerve to tell me this isn’t a porno!” Wade said, because now the bastard was just punching his way through a long list of Random Things Wade Was Really Fucking Into. “You keep that up, I’m gonna start thinking you can read my mind.”

One exaggerated wink into the camera later Wade was digging his fingers into Cable’s shoulders and testing the healing abilities of his poor abused vocal cords when Cable started pushing his spit-slick cock into him. He was definitely bigger than any of those fun strap-ons at home, and thicker, and maybe it was the angle or maybe he was blue-balled and impatient or maybe he was just being an ass about it, but Cable didn’t bother to give Wade any time to adjust before he thrust all the way into him. 

“Fuckity fuck, big boy, is that what they call good bedside manners in the future?” Wade’s mouth said, but Cable ignored him like he knew that Wade was just talking for the sake of it. Not like anyone could think he wasn’t enjoying the hell out of this himself, the way he was squirming down against Cable’s cock. He let out a heavy “oomph” when Cable slammed him roughly against the wall and then balls-deep into him. The words “sex machine” occurred to Wade when he pressed his face against Cable’s left shoulder, feeling the whirring and the vibrations of all those complicated metal bits vibrate through him while Cable moaned into his ear. Cable wasn’t getting _loud_ exactly, but he did have a filthy mouth, gasping out an endless stream of what technically qualified as compliments, most of them aimed at Wade’s tight little ass.

Future bedside manners did at least extend to giving a man a reach-around (or whatever the fuck you call a reach-around when you’re doing it face to face and don’t have to actually reach around, but Wade decided to keep that conundrum for a later point when he wasn’t getting his ass pounded and his cock stroked by a very strong, calloused hand in a fingerless military issue glove that added some _exciting_ textures to the whole proceedings). 

“Jesus, you’re fucking eager,” Cable growled into his ear when Wade tightened his legs around him and licked a wet stripe over the corner of Cable’s mouth, and something in that dismissive, horny bedroom voice made Wade lose it and come so spectacularly his vision went all blurry for a few seconds. 

“And you are fucking relentless,” he gasped because Cable still wasn’t stopping, his cock sliding in and out so easily now that Wade was pretty sure there had to be some blood there in addition to that bit of spit, but he couldn’t have brought himself to give a fuck about that even he hadn’t already been healed up again. All he felt was deliciously filled up to the brim and so overstimulated he could have screamed, but he didn’t want to drown out the sounds Cable was making.

“If you make a sexbot joke –” Cable’s shoulders shook with laughter for a moment. “Fuck, I can’t even think of anything you sick puppy wouldn’t be into.” 

“Good call, my big, growly sex machine. I’d find new kinks just to spite you.”

Wade curled his fingers into Cable’s hair to keep his face right where it was, pressed against Wade’s neck, so he could feel and hear every gasp and moan that tore itself from Cable’s throat while he was losing it, and Wade could _feel_ the slow shudder that went up Cable’s metal spine when he came inside him, as if every single muscle in that coiled body of his was tensing up and then relaxing again.

After that he stayed still for a few moments, panting into Wade’s neck and holding him up with both arms, head bowed under the hand that was stroking his hair now. For once Wade bit his tongue because he figured anything he could say would make Cable move away, and being filled up like this still felt way too fucking good.

A whole minute – might have been shorter, but it sure felt like at least a minute to Wade – passed before Cable raised his head, dark eyes glazed over, mouth slack in a post-coital smile. 

“Look who stopped complaining,” he rumbled. Wade felt it almost more than he heard it. 

“Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken, and anyway porn just gets boring if it’s always the same thing, big guy fucks little guy, everyone has simultaneous orgasms, interchangeable dirty talk with no personal note …” 

Cable made that exasperated noise that Wade really shouldn’t tell him turned him on, otherwise he’d just stop doing it. A few more moments passed before Cable moved to put Wade down, and Wade reluctantly unwrapped his legs from around him. Cable stayed close, though, one hand braced against the wall behind Wade, the other brushing sweaty hair from his forehead.

Wade looked down between them and made a face.

“I can’t believe you made me come all over my Hello Kitty shirt.” Never mind that this kitty had an assault rifle in one paw and was holding on to a stripper pole with the other. It looked delightfully obscene with a glob of come on the pink little bow.

“I can’t believe I fucked a guy who’s wearing a Hello Kitty shirt,” Cable said, but he barely sounded surprised by himself.

“That’s kind of what you signed up for. This is probably not the weirdest outfit you’ll ever fuck me in.” Wade stretched languidly, like a well-endowed model on a bikini ad, the hem of the shirt riding up to bare more scarred up skin. His cock was still hard underneath it – nothing like a healing factor in permanent overdrive to make refractory periods a thing of the past. Cable let out a grunt that sounded like he was trying very hard not to laugh. 

“Take it off and we can continue this in the bedroom.” He pulled away to tuck himself back in, because some men apparently don’t like walking around with their dicks swinging free. Freaks.

“Ooooh, round two?” Wade asked. 

“Didn’t lie when I said I wouldn’t mind taking your pretty cock,” Cable said and gave said cock a light little smack that made Wade strip out of his messy shirt so fast he ended up twisting it around his wrists.

“For the literary conventions?” he asked, fumbling with the sticky fabric that refused to stop clinging to his skin.

“No, because I want to. But I’m not going to cry and blush and whimper,” Cable said and took off towards the apartment’s sole bedroom (he’d been sleeping on the couch, in the previous nights). 

“Maybe not.” Wade finally got the shirt off and dropped it to the floor, right next to his ripped boxers. “But I am going to call you Cablebear. You like it.”

“Jesus,” he heard from the bedroom, but the annoyed grumble was immediately followed by the squeaking of springs when Cable sprawled out on the bed, and then the thump of the first boot hitting the floor.

Wade had always thought that a lot of porn could do with more switching anyway.


End file.
